So after my weekend in Michigan my body is getting back at me with a monster of a cold. My nose is hitting me with a trifecta of either being stuffy, running, or sneezing constantly. After not being able to sleep for two days I finally slogged my body over to my local CVS for the wonderful medication that is Nyquil.
Of course nowadays Nyquil is locked up behind the pharmacy because "people" make meth with it. So if you want it you have to go and ask someone at the pharmacy and show your license. Which is a pain but should be somewhat easy right?
Except the employee working behind the counter was a straight up Bon Qui Qui. I politely asked for some Nyquil and the following happened:
Bon Qui Qui: (The internet is being lame and not letting me link the video in so this doesn't work just go to youtube and and search MadTV Bon Qui Qui at King Burger)
http://youtu.be/jZkdcYlOn5M
Bon Qui Qui: MMMHMMM (holds up her hand) Wait a minute. (finishes texting on her phone)
Me: Ok
Bon Qui Qui: SIGH SIGH ok whatchayouwant?
Me: Hi, sorry to bother you but I just need some Nyquil. (Which look I don't know why I end up doing this when I have to deal with difficult people. While I'm saying I'm sorry I'm mentally kicking myself for it. It's like oh HEY SORRY Bon Qui Qui that I'm asking you to do the job that you are paid for)
Bon Qui Qui: That's in the back.
Me: Well yeah and I can't get back there. The sign says to ask you
Bon Qui Qui: mumbling itsalmostlunchcomeonupinhereallinmyface.
Me: I'm not all up in your face I just want some Nyquil. Here is my license
Bon Qui Qui: Looks at my license: This ain't real it is fake. Missouri?
Me: No it's real. Missouri is a state (and is the number one producer of meth in the country hey-o!)
Bon Qui Qui: Do not get an attitude with me. (said with a neck jab)
Me: Um mam I am not giving you an attitude. This is my license. How about we have a manager look at it?
Bon Qui Qui: So you think I'm dumb? MMHMM you white girls come on up in here acting all uppity
Me: Mam I just want Nyquil there is no need for this to turn into an after school special about race.
Finally a manager comes over and looks at my license:
Manager: Missouri? Let me get out the license book to look at this
Me: FINE WHATEVER
Bon Qui Qui and the Manager staring at the license book and at my Missouri License
Manager: This license is in color the one in the book is black and white
Me: that would be because the entire book is in black and white.
Manager: Oh
Bon Qui Qui: I told you she be all snappy
Finally the manager agreed to give me the precious Nyquil. Of course I had to sign some scary electronic letter being all "I swear I have a congested nose and just wanted to be able to sleep tonight and I won't do anything illegal with this"And of course i almost accidentally checked the "I do not agree" box by accident, which in my defense was the first box under the letter. You would think "I agree" would be the first box but no they like to make it hard.
I paid and got the heck out of there watching my back for Bon Qui Qui. But luckily I'm pretty sure it was her lunch break.
After my Bon Qui Qui experience I couldn't help thinking about the fact that I had to sign some document saying I wouldn't use Nyquil to make drugs because people use Nyquil to make Meth. From my intense Intervention watching and Breaking Bad Marathons I know that making meth is hard. On Breaking Bad one of the main characters is a chemistry teacher which lets me know that there is no way I could ever make meth (not that I would ever want to, I don't). I can't even bake. Today I tried making instant popcorn and it burned because I got bored and wandered away in the two minutes that it takes the microwave to make popcorn. I clearly don't have the focus for cooking.
What gets me is according to all of the late night Datelines I've watched and 20/20s making meth is complicated. Yet everytime I read about someone getting busted for cooking meth it's some hoosier with no teeth and a lack of hygiene. How do they do it?
I think I should have prefaced this whole entry by letting you guys know that I took two Nyquil about an hour ago.
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