The Gift of Anxiety

Today I heard a young girl around the age of 10 call her mother a B**** and then told her to F*** Off.

I'm not going to lie I had to stop in my tracks. I can't even  begin to imagine what would happen if I had EVER and I mean EVER said those words in front of my parents or even dared to call my mom or dad a B****. Just writing mom and dad near the word B**** scares me and makes me suffer ptsd flashbacks. I'm afraid that somewhere back in St. Louis, MO my parents just felt a little alarm go off inside of them that says "kelly is calling your names." I can see them shaking their heads at me and giving me the look. And you know that look. Every parent has it. It has the power to stop a kid in their tracks. I'm almost 25 years old and I'm still scared of the look. Heck, I still call my parents "sir" or "mam'

In the the fantastic book "Bossy-Pants" by my idol Tina Fey she writes a poem about her daughter. My favorite line in it is the following: Read the rest of it here!

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, 

Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, 

        For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it


While this book came out way after I was born (which btw was 11/17/1986 for those keeping track) I feel that this is something my mother  implemented on the day I was born and the doctor turned to my parents and said "While she is a big one, It's a girl!" Because let's be honest girls can be moody, dramatic and a pain. My parents claim I went through a phase of rolling my eyes at everything they say (I do not remember this at all btw, I only remember being perfect and having to wait until I was 17 to get a dog). But you know what I never ever called my mom a bitch in front of ANY store. If I had not only would she had dragged my pre-teen ass home so fast my head would be spinning faster then the speed of light but I would have been buried in the backyard. And I would not be writing this wonderful blog to you today.

I'm not saying that children should live in fear of their parents but on some level kids should experience anxiety when it comes to their parents. I like to call it "The Gift of Anxiety."  I really do think it is a gift.  If I ever have kids I do wonder, how in the world can I give them what my parents gave me. That anxiety feeling. The fear of getting in trouble. Knowing that while you are loved you aren't above any law and rules must be followed. As a kid I sat through DARE and all kinds of anti-peer pressure classes but you know what really enabled me to say no to drinking/smoking/drugs at a party? My parents. Some dude could be offering me anything and all I would see were my parents with their arms crossed shaking their heads at me. Or as the wonderful Tina Fey says:

When the Crystal Meth is offered, 

       May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half

I didn't really care if my grapes were cut in half or not but my mom did peel all of my apples, drove me to an obscene amount of after school activities, and is personally the reason why I didn't wear a dress with sleeves to any high school dances. And my dad spent many a weekend coaching me in basketball or sleeping in a tent on an Indian Princess Camp-out and still goes out and gets me Starbucks Coffee (Americano 4 splenda) when I am home even though we have a perfectly good coffee maker.

In short I didn't need this:
 

I had this: 

After hearing that girl call her mother a b**** I knew that she didn't have the Parental Anxiety System and I'm pretty sure I'll see her on some reality show in 10 years.

I realize that anyone who reads this may think my parents are drill sergeants which is so far from the truth.  Sue and Dan are awesome. And if I ever make any money off of this writing thing, they will get major shout outs in my book.