On Monday night I was en route to the meet someone for dinner in Woodley Park and I got stuck walking behind a group of brotastic-looking guys. It was one of those awkward situations where you're awkwardly walking at the same rate as the group in front of you, so you begin to feel like a stalker. But if you speed up and pass them you know you won't be able to keep your new speed up and you're just going to end up either causing a traffic jam or you will have to fall back behind them and appear even creepier. Am I the only one this has happened to? It happens to me a lot because a lot of people in DC are incapable of realizing that other people walk on the sidewalk. So instead they spread out in a huge group taking over the sidewalk and if it is raining forget it. Nobody in DC knows how to walk in public with an umbrella. When it rains here and I'm walking outside I have to dive, cut, drop, and roll so much it looks like I am doing the electric slide. yes? No? Only me? Ok. Anyway, I couldn't help but overhear the conversation they were having about the tv show "Intervention."
Now Intervention is a total guilty pleasure of mine and just so you know all of the episodes are available on Netlix streaming. And since I am unemployed nothing makes me feel better then watching an episode of intervention because at the end of the episode at least I can think "well I may not have a job but I'm not drinking mouthwash to get drunk or running around my house naked and throwing ramen noodles at my sister while high on meth."
I first started watching intervention with my friend Katie. I'm not going to lie when I reflect back on those summer nights of us sitting in her parents basement drinking a bottle of wine and betting what letter was going to make the person go to rehab, I get happy.
Back to me awkwardly stalking the bro boys on the sidewalk. Out of nowhere they start talking about Intervention when one of the guys goes :I get sad when an addict on Intervention says they'll go to treatment after listening to just one person's letter.
My heart stopped because you know what I totally agree! He then went on to say "I mean DUDE it's like Your entire family wrote you a letter! Aren't you at least curious to hear what everyone else has to say? I feel like if I had an intervention, my Dad would be the one to get me to go to treatment. If he cried while reading a letter, I'd go anywere That being said, I'd still want to hear what everyone else has to say"
Meanwhile, I was walking behind them thinking "OMG me to! I totally agree!" See Intervention is broken up into two parts. The first 30 minutes you follow the addict around while they do their thing and family member talks about why this person started doing drugs, etc. Then the next half is the surprise! it's your intervention time! And I can always tell if the person is going to rehab or not by the time when they start the intervention. See if we are only halfway through the episode and already starting the intervention, I know it's going to be a good one. People are going to yell, cry, and everyone gets to read their letters! But if the intervention starts at ten to the hour, I'm like psh forget it, this chick is going as soon as your weird looking third cousin reads the letter all Sniff, sniff "you and your addiction have effected me in the following ways- You never want to go to tanning with me any more because you're always tired!" and then the meth/crack/heroin head is like "OH MY GOD! I'LL GO! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!" And it's annoying because you just know that mom's letter was going to be so much better than that and now we'll never know what it said.
So while all of this is going on and the guy is explaining himself he finally ends the conversation with "Interventions like that ruin my entire week. God, addiction really is a selfish disease."
And I may or may not have fallen in love with him.
Finally we parted ways but later on that night I was extremely tempted to write a Craigslist missed connection but decided not to when I realized it would essentially be: "YOU WERE THE GUY TALKING ABOUT INTERVENTION LETTERS BY THE DUNKIN DONUTS ON 14th and U STREET NW. YOU MENTIONED THAT YOU COULD NEVER DO DRUGS THAT INVOLVED NEEDLES. I WAS THE BRUNETTE GIRL BEHIND YOU WHO DIDN'T HAVE THE STAMINA TO WALK SLIGHTLY FASTER AND PASS YOU. WAS IT JUST ME, OR DID I FEEL A CONNECTION?!?!" The one that got away..
See just spend 3 minutes watching this video and you will see why I love Intervention. I literally had no idea you could get high huffing computer duster until this Intervention. Stuff like this makes me never want to have kids and makes me feel like it's amazing that I made it to the age of 25 without realizing that people actually do huff outside of 7th Heaven Episodes
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