Netflix Streaming Musings

So last night my roommate and I drank a bottle of wine at a trivia night. And our team got second place! Of course we didn't contribute to it at all, I literally answered one question and it was a pop culture question. But hey we were on the team so it counts. Anyways by the time we got back to the apartment I was riding high on our victory and couldn't sleep. So I curled up on the couch and powered up my laptop. That's when I saw that Charlotte's Web was on Netflix and thought, "Oh, I used to watch that movie everyday when I was a child! It must be comforting! I loved that book as a kid to! I'll watch that!" 

MISTAKE! MISTAKE! BIG MISTAKE!!!

I cried you guys. I cried watching Charlotte's Web. I'm pretty sure I know why I had this reaction to the movie, though: Charlotte's Web did a number on me this year because the whole movie is about losing friends. I mean, I have friends, that's not the problem, it's just that they're all leaving DC like they are trying to catch the last chopper out of Vietnam. And while I know this is a result of living in a city like D.C. where everyone has their eye on the door or next way out of here, I'm still left with all of these emotions about my friends moving on and settling down and I am ultimately afraid that everyone is going to leave and forget me. YOU KNOW, LIKE CHARLOTTE'S BABIES DID TO WILBUR. 


I honestly don't think this movie is appropriate for children (and 25-year-olds with a bottle of wine and emotions.) It's about people creating emotional dependencies on other people and then having those relationships ripped away from them. Except by people, I mean pigs and spiders. And death! So much of the movie is about death! The only reason Wilbur and Charlotte meet in the first place is because they're about to kill Wilbur and he's literally weeping for someone to save his life! How terrible is that! I can't believe I read that book as a child and that my parents let me watch this movie! So Charlotte does save him—only to die herself! But it's OK, she has babies to keep Wilbur company—except they're like, peace out Wilbur, I do what I want! and they all leave! I mean my god look at these quotes:

Charlotte: You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die.

That line is so emo I can't even stand it.

Ram: Sheep do not play with pigs.
Wilbur: Why not?
Ram: Oh, it's a matter of status. Sheep, for instance, are highly regarded by Zuckerman, because we furnish him with good quality wool. With pigs, on the other hand, it's just a matter of time.
Wilbur: Time to what?
Ram: Till you're fat enough to kill.
Wilbur: What did you say?
Ram: Oh, everybody knows it. In the fall, you'll be turned into smoked bacon and ham. Just as soon as cold weather sets in, they'll kill you.

Terrifying!  

 

[a fly lands in Charlotte's web]
Charlotte: Just a minute, Wilbur.
[she climbs up and wraps the fly]
Charlotte: He'll make a perfect breakfast for me.
Wilbur: [shuddering] Ooooh. You mean you eat flies?
Charlotte: Why, certainly. I eat anything that gets caught in my web. I have to live, don't I?
Wilbur: [nervously] Why, yes, of course. Do they taste good?
Charlotte: Delicious.
Wilbur: LECCH!
Charlotte: Course, I don't really *eat* them, I drink their blood. I love blood. 

Charlotte: The autumn days grow short and cold; / It's Christmas time again. / Then snows of winter slowly melt. / The day grows short, / And then... / He turns the seasons around, / And so she changes... her gown: / Mother Earth... and Father Time. How very special are we... / For just a moment... to be... / Part of life's... eternal... rhyme.
[passes away]

AHHHHHHHHHHH. Emotionally scarring. 

Charlotte: I'm done for. In a day or two I'll be dead. I haven't strength enough to climb into the crate. I doubt if there is enough silk in my spinnerets to lower me to the ground.
Wilbur: Charlotte! No, Charlotte! My true friend.
Oh my god...


Wilbur: Then write this in your webs, when you learn: This hallowed doorway was once the home of Charlotte. She was brilliant, beautiful, and loyal to the end. Her memory will be treasured forever.
Charlotte's daughters: Ooh, that would take us a lifetime.
Wilbur: A lifetime. That's what we have.
I just can't. NO WORDS LEFT.

Wilbur: No. Please don't go. I'll be all alone. Your mother wouldn't want that to happen, I'm sure. Please don't go.
Narrator: Soon the sky was filled with baby spiders, floating away on the wind. Wilbur sank to the ground, crying, his heart broken once more.

I mean, I'm tearing up right now as I type this.

But this is the one that got me:
Narrator: Wilbur never forgot Charlotte. Although he loved her children and grandchildren dearly, none of the new spiders quite took her place in his heart. She was in a class by herself. It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend.

TEARS. TEARS. Here's the thing, normally I am not a gushy person. But after that line I literally had to sit on my phone to stop me from calling up some of my friends to be like:
"YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND! YOU'RE MY CHARLOTTE!"
 
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I used to like this depressing movie as a kid. Growing up I used to sleep with an ET doll. 

I mean just look at that thing. What about that screams "I am comforting and a good cuddle buddy!" Nothing does. It's actually extremely creepy. I slept with that thing every night until my mom gave it away to some church charity event. I'm sure whatever kid ended up with it was probably like "Gee thanks,  I wonder who hates me."


The more I reflect on my childhood the more I realize that I was a weird kid.


And I'm not going to lie after watching Charlotte's web I had a huge craving for bacon.