Yesterday morning, I came as close to killing another human being as I ever have in my brief almost 25 years of life. After my afternoon interview I ran into the CVS to grab some gatorade. It was pouring rain outside and I had on a suit/skirt because of the interview but I was still in a great mood.
My great mood was short-lived, however, as there was a woman —approximately 5'6", maybe in her 30s, black hair, headband—standing directly in front of the refrigerator with the Gatorade in it. Her stuff and child were everywhere. Her child was screaming and running up and down the aisle and her purse, gym bag, stroller, toys, and her CVS basket were on the floor and she was digging through her wallet, clearly looking for something. "Excuse me," I asked her politely, motioning towards the refrigerator.
"Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," she sighed as she rolled her eyes and moved her body about half an inch so I could pass. Which is irritating in and of itself, but not "Voluntary Manslaughter Need to Call My Parents for Bail Money and my Cousin who is a Lawyer" irritating. I went into the fridge, got my Gatorade, turned around and immediately tripped on her purse. And I fell face first into a display of Doritos. When I looked around I saw that my knee was bleeding and I had scrapped my shin.
After I pulled myself up, my eyes turned red, my Irish blood began boiling and I felt my fangs descend. I turned around and looked at this Chick directly in the eyes. "Oh." she said, as if I had just told her that the store was closing at 9pm. Now, normally in moments like these I get so fluster that I end up saying "OMG I am so so sorry" But you know what? In this instance I was not sorry. I no longer have a job and don't go into work everyday so I'm all about the little victories and righting justice. So instead I kept staring at this lady who kept looking at me like she expected me to be like "I'm actually the one who's sorry! I'm sorry that my human body got in the way of your stuff. And I'm also sorry for not realizing that CVS is your house! OH, pardon me! Now if you don't mind, I'm just going to go into "your" fridge and grab a few of "your" Gatorade and then pass your annoying child."
Of course I was so overcome with rage that I couldn't think of a single thing to say and just stared at her for an uncomfortable length of time before awkwardly shouting "JESUS CHRIST!" and running away. Naturally I spent the rest of the day thinking of things I should have said, which is irritating. So if you or a friend know a lady who was at the Columbia Heights CVS around 4pm yesterday you are incredibly lucky to have your life right now. And I want an apology.
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